Murder on the Orient Express (2017)

The Movie Snob takes a train.

Murder on the Orient Express (2017)  (B).  Mystery is not really my genre, either for movies or for books, so I went into this new version of the Agatha Christie classic completely cold.  (So why did I go see it?  Because my favorite pop-culture podcast, The Substandard, recently did an episode about this movie, and I wanted to see it before listening to the podcast.)  Given its middling Metacritic score of 52, I didn’t expect great things, and I was pleasantly surprised.  Kenneth Branagh (Dunkirk) directs and stars as eccentric Belgian detective Hercule Poirot.  After a fun scene establishing Poirot’s Sherlock Holmesian powers of observation and deduction, he boards The Orient Express—a luxury train (the year is 1934) heading northwest from Istanbul.  The train is full of colorful characters played by famous actors, including Daisy Ridley (The Force Awakens), Michelle Pfeiffer (Stardust), Penélope Cruz (Volver), and Johnny Depp (The Tourist).  Then a passenger is murdered in the middle of the night, and an avalanche halts the train in a remote mountain pass.  Can Poirot solve the mystery before the killer strikes again?  To me, the whodunnit aspect of the movie is secondary; the fun is watching the peculiar detective interrogate the passengers and sniff out the clues.  I enjoyed it.

To Rome With Love

From the desk of The Movie Snob.

To Rome With Love (C-).  Woody Allen continues his European odyssey with this entry from the Eternal City.  I love Rome, but I did not love this movie.  As best I can recall, four separate storylines play out and never really intersect.  A young architect (Jesse Eisenberg, Zombieland) is living in Rome with his girlfriend (Greta Gerwig, Damsels in Distress) and has his head turned by her visiting friend (Ellen Page, Juno) while a spectral Alec Baldwin (Beetlejuice) looks on and offers advice.  A retired opera director (Woody Allen, Take the Money and Run) travels to Rome to meet his daughter’s fiance and discovers that the fiance’s father is a natural opera talent–to an extent.  In the most amusing story, an utterly ordinary Roman office drone (Roberto Benigni, Life Is Beautiful) suddenly and inexplicably becomes a paparazzi-besieged celebrity. And finally a newlywed Italian couple from the sticks comes to Rome where the nervous husband is hoping to get a big-time job, but the couple gets separated, and he has an adventure involving a prostitute (Penelope Cruz, Volver) while she has one involving an Italian movie star.  I guess the movie is supposed to be whimsical, but it comes off as merely goofy, in my book.

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

New review from The Movie Snob

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (D+).  I would say that Captain Jack Sparrow has finally worn out his welcome with me, but then again, did I really like any of the three earlier movies in this series?  Maybe the first one was okay, but I can hardly remember.  Anyhoo, Johnny Depp (Murder on the Orient Express) is on a new quest — this time, he’s looking for the Fountain of Youth.  Geoffrey Rush (The King’s Speech) returns as Jack’s one-time nemesis Barbosa, but the villain of this piece is none other than Blackbeard himself (Ian McShane, Scoop).  Penelope Cruz (Volver) adds the feminine element now that Keira Knightley has jumped ship. An extended introduction set in London could easily have been lopped off (although it did permit a humorous cameo by a very well-known actress), and the rest of the movie is a bunch of very purposeful-looking rushing about by the various people who are trying to find the mythical Fountain.  Frankly, I found it a little yawn-inducing.  And, predictably, it was way too long (about 2 hours and 15 minutes).  But it’ll probably make a killing, and they’ll probably make another one….

Elegy

New from the desk of The Movie Snob

Elegy (C-). Ben Kingsley (Schindler’s List) plays David Kepesh, a professor of cultural studies and a successful critic who frequently appears on television and radio. Having run out on his family back in the 60’s or 70’s, Kepesh appears to have had a succession of meaningless sexual relationships—not uncommonly with his students. (Or, once sexual harassment became frowned upon, former students.) One semester he is smitten with a Cuban student, Consuela Castillo (Penelope Cruz, Vicky Cristina Barcelona), and as soon as the ink is dry on the final exams he begins his pursuit. She puts up minimal resistance, and the rest of the movie is how this relationship between the aging professor and the only-slightly-older-than-average college student plays out. Kepesh is so Ben Kingsley–so unsmiling, so beady-eyed, so reptilian–that it is really difficult to suspend disbelief that Consuela could fall for him. Until the closing credits rolled, that is, and I discovered that the film is based on a novel by Philip Roth. I’ve never read Roth, but I know his work also inspired The Human Stain, in which the Nicole Kidman character falls for the Anthony Hopkins old-professor character. Hmmm. Anyway, I couldn’t warm to the movie b/c the protagonist is a such a cold, self-absorbed jerk (always a big stumbling block for me when I try to enjoy a movie). But Cruz, I have to say, is really growing on me, after her dynamite performance in Volver and very good one in Vicki Cristina Barcelona. I’m even starting to think she’s attractive, which is a new development. On the whole, though, not a very good movie. Oh, I didn’t even recognize Debbie Harry of the rock band Blondie in a small role as the wife of a poet played (not very well) by Dennis Hopper (Apocalypse Now).

Vicky Cristina Barcelona

From the desk of The Movie Snob

Vicky Cristina Barcelona (C+). Seems to me that Woody Allen has grappled with the same problem in several of his movies, including this one. The problem is, once you decide that there is no God and no afterlife, how do you find meaning in life? All of the characters in this movie who express a point of view share Allen’s atheistic materialism, and they seem to be at a loss as to how to answer this basic question. Vicky (Rebecca Hall, The Prestige) and Cristina (Scarlett Johansson, The Island) are young American women set loose in Barcelona for a summer, and both come under the spell of a charismatic Spanish artist, Juan Antonio (Javier Bardem, No Country for Old Men). Complicating matters are Vicky’s engagement to a bland but perfectly nice yuppie back home in the States and Juan Antonio’s continuing involvement with his crazy ex-wife Maria Elena (played, convincingly, by Penelope Cruz, Nine). The performances are good, but given the premises of atheistic materialism it is difficult to build any tension into the story. Cristina has fully abandoned bourgeois morality, so it is hard to care how her relationship with Juan Antonio (and Maria Elena) turns out. If the only rule is follow your heart, it’s rather hard to make wrong choices. In short, Cristina is a bore. Vicky, on the other hand, provides at least a little drama, since her getting involved with Juan Antonio would require transgressing the last bourgeois convention standing, that you really ought not cheat on your spouse or probably even your fiance. But if we are merely temporary collections of molecules bouncing around in the void, why should we abide by even this seemingly minimal constraint? In a way, this movie is a perfect counterpoint to Brideshead Revisited, which I reviewed yesterday. Brideshead asks what would happen if you really believed in God and Catholicism and tried to live your life accordingly. Vicky asks what would happen if you really didn’t believe in God at all and tried to live accordingly. It’s an interesting concept — but it makes Allen’s characters less interesting people.

Movie Snob’s Best of 2007

Happy New Year, and welcome to The Movie Snob’s Best of 2007 column. As usual, the films eligible for consideration and inclusion in this prestigious work of film criticism are those that I saw in a movie theater during calendar year 2007. As usual, this means that a lot of 2006 releases will be included. For the record, I saw 58 movies in theaters in 2007, up from 45 in 2006.

Movie of the Year: It won the Oscar for Best Foreign Film —The Lives of Others totally blew me away. Set in Communist East Germany, it is the story of a member of the secret police who is assigned to spy on a playwright. He bugs the playwright’s apartment and spends hours listening to his activities. The playwright starts out a true believer in Communism, but as his faith erodes, so does that of his unseen listener. If you can tolerate subtitles (or know German), rent this movie a.s.a.p.

Best Drama: This was a rich category. Some critics found Amazing Grace, the story of the British parliamentarian who fought and eventually buried the slave trade, too schmaltzy, but I totally enjoyed it. Renee Zellweger impressed again as revered children’s author Beatrix Potter in the charming and moving little film Miss Potter. Into the Wild features lots of great performances, and amazingly got me to sympathize with a protagonist I felt sure I was going to dislike. I have a hard time picking just one, but if forced to choose I would have to give the nod to Into the Wild.

Best Comedy: Like last year’s Little Miss Sunshine, this year’s winner is more of a dramedy, a movie about a serious subject that doesn’t take itself too seriously. Featuring great performances by Ellen Page and Jennifer Garner, among others, the award goes to Juno. First runner-up is Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story, the send-up of Walk the Line and similar biopics. It made me laugh from beginning to end. I would also cite the French movie The Valet, in which a hapless car parker is suddenly hired to pose as the boyfriend of a supermodel, in order to conceal an affair she is having with a married tycoon. It’s a very enjoyable romp. Honorable mentions to the Will Ferrell movie Blades of Glory and the overly maligned Evan Almighty.

Best Action/Adventure: There wasn’t much competition for category winner The Bourne Ultimatum, which was just as slick and exciting as when it used to be called The Bourne Supremacy. Seriously, I can’t recall a single difference between the two, except in this last one we find out that Jason Bourne was Catholic before he became a government-programmed assassin. Go figure. Children of Men was not as impressive in the thrills department but was far more thought-provoking. Beowulf was a lot of fun, at least in its IMAX 3-D incarnation. That last Pirates of the Caribbean movie wasn’t bad, although it was awfully long.

Best Documentary: I didn’t see very many this year, but in the short list of contenders is an excellent movie. In the Shadow of the Moon is a very interesting look at the Apollo missions, and it features interviews with lots of the mere handful of men who have actually been to the moon. Alas, Neil Armstrong was not among them, and there is only the slightest allusion to the fact that he has apparently become an odd recluse somewhere.

Best Foreign Film: Setting aside my Movie of the Year (and The Valet, which I put in the Comedy section), there were some other foreign flicks that are well worth your time if you can stand subtitles. Actually, the first one has substantial portions in English. After the Wedding is a Danish film, I think, about the unexpected events that befall a Dane who has returned home from his work at an orphanage in India. Very interesting. I also really liked the Penelope Cruz movie Volver, even though I don’t much care for Ms. Cruz herself. Pan’s Labyrinth is compelling, but it is a very dark film. Brace yourself for lots of cruelty if you see it.

Honorable Mentions. I don’t mind a good chick flick from time to time, and two of this year’s honorable mentions fit that category: Becoming Jane, which is about Jane Austen, and The Jane Austen Book Club, which is about, well, you figure it out. Stardust was an interesting attempt to become this decade’s version of The Princess Bride. It doesn’t quite succeed, but it’s a good effort. Babel was a good movie. Did it win the Oscar? I forget, but it was a good movie nonetheless. And last but not least, check out this year’s little movie that could: Once. It’s a sweet indie film about an Irish street musician and a Czech girl that he chances to meet and make some music with. But don’t get the soundtrack. I did and regretted it. Just see the movie.

Volver

New from The Movie Snob

Volver (B+). This is only the second movie directed by Pedro Almodovar that I have ever seen. The other one was Talk to Her, which I found incredibly repugnant. Only a glowing review of this new movie on National Review Online got me into the theater to see it. And rather to my surprise, I really liked it. It is about the women in a family from the Spanish village of La Mancha and the men who hurt them. Seriously, there are very few men in this movie, and the few there are have very little screen time. Penelope Cruz (Nine) plays Raimunda, a woman who has a no-good husband, a teen-aged daughter, a single sister, and a close female friend named Agustina. The ghost of her deceased mother also plays an important role. Although the women in the film have generally been done wrong by men (almost entirely off-screen, happily), they survive and pull through by pulling together. Cruz does a fine job and probably deserves her Oscar nomination.

Millions; Sahara

New reviews from The Movie Snob:

Millions (B-). Apparently this indie flick has gotten lots good reviews, but I thought it was just slightly better than average. A little boy named Damian is struggling to cope with the recent death of his mother, and he is fixated on religion and the saints. In fact, he sees and has conversations with various saints (he can rattle off the years in which they were born and died like baseball statistics), and he always asks them if they’ve met his mother in heaven. Into his fantasy world crashes a very real gym bag stuffed full of money. He thinks it came from God and wants to help the poor with it, while his more pragmatic older brother Anthony has other ideas. Interesting concept, but it just never gelled for me, and there are some pretty scary scenes that make this movie altogether inappropriate for younger kids.

Sahara (C). Plot summary is superfluous with a movie like this. Matthew McConaughey (Interstellar) does his Indiana Jones impression. Steve Zahn (That Thing You Do!) cracks wise as his trusty sidekick. Penelope Cruz (Volver) is (ahem) an earnest U.N. doctor. Lots of stuff gets blown up real good. Have at it.